Photoshoot - Leicester Mercury

Script - Who'd be a drag queen?

SCENE TWO - Paul's Dressing Room

Paul     [screamingly camp] If that bitch tries to upstage me with his hand-in-the-face routine once more I'll throttle him! [Throws costume off] I don't need him. I'm a star! This tired old body has been dragging itself across a stage since before he was in nappies. How dare that, that virgin try and tell me, me who has worked with the greats, how to work an audience? How to get laughs. He's done nothing. Did he ever tread the same stage as Christopher Biggins? Was he ever on screen with Cheryl from Bucks Fizz? Did he ever see ABBA live? No! I've lived. I've suffered. I've been there, seen the film, read the book and worn out the T-shirt! What is he? Just another wannabe hanging on my coat tails. [Turns to the audience and talks directly to them, his voice lowering to a normal tone as he starts to remove his makeup]

            I told my mother I was gay when I was 23. It's funny how we always have to tell our mothers, isn't it? I had to tell her that I really liked men. I had known women, but not in the biblical sense, you understand. The nearest I have ever been to being inside a woman was when I toured the Statue of Liberty.

            Telling her I was gay was bad enough but when I happened to mention that I had taken to wearing a frock onstage she was mortified. "What will the neighbours think?" was her first reaction.

            Well, to be honest, even though the worthy bunch of suburban housewives we shared the avenue with were quite well turned out (according to their mundane standards), I didn't think that my glitzy style was going to persuade any of them to be more adventurous than twin set and pearls, even for the cheese and wine whist drive.

            But, ultimately, she was very supportive. Probably because it was her only chance to rub shoulders with any sort of glamour, even if it was only vicariously. She had always considered me a 'special' child. According to her it was because she had been in labour with me, her first born, for 23 hours. The silly cow should have taken her tights off once the waters broke.

            Did Glenn have that sort of childhood? No! He had it easy. He didn't grow up as an outcast. He didn't have to contend with his sexuality being illegal. He's not even gay, for god's sake! The worst thing he has to worry about is which of the myriad of women throwing themselves at his feet to marry.

            OK, I'm jealous! [shouting, angry] Why couldn't it have been that easy for me, for us? He need never worry about being alone. He doesn't even really want to be a female impersonator. He wants to be an act-or! A luvvie! All I've ever wanted was to be drag queen. I was never pretty, even as a child. Nobody has ever called me beautiful, and meant it. But clothes maketh man (with a liberal application of Polyfilla) and I can look good in anything, except a mirror. I can turn heads, you know, [poses into mirror, triumphantly] and a few stomachs. [dejectedly]

            For a few hours each night I shovel on the makeup and pretend to the world that I am glamorous. And, do you know, for those few hours, the world in its naivete, believes me. Appearing glamorous is easy. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. Even GMTV presenters can manage it.

            But now the ravages of time are such that even I can't do it alone. Much as I hate to admit it, I need that prima donna to prop up this sagging talent.

Glenn  [Knocks on the door] Are you decent?

Paul                 Would it matter if I wasn't?

Glenn          Only to you. [comes in still wearing his makeup but in straight clothes] Well, that went well. When do we start to rehearse the Ab Fab stuff?

Paul                 Tomorrow. Can you make 10am?

Glenn              Sure. The usual place?

Paul                 Yeah. Are you going for a drink later? We could try that new bar in town. I know it's gay but you should be used to that.

Glenn             Since when has it bothered me? Shove over, I want to get my makeup off. [They sit side by side removing their makeup] Did you see that guy sitting near the stage this evening?

Paul                 What, the cute one with the blue top on?

Glenn              Yeah, he never took his eyes off you.

Paul                 Oh, please, [mock camp] he was probably stunned that I looked just like his mother.

Glenn              Well, I don't know. He seemed more intent than the usual fag hag groupies. Perhaps he'll be at the Stage Door, waiting for an autograph ... or something.

Paul                 Get out of here! After your straight butt, more likely! I don't know why I work with you. Nobody ever fancies me when they can drool over you.

Glenn              But you know I'm not interested.

Paul                 They don't know that, do they? They would just love the prospect of being able to creep out of the woodwork and into the News of the World when you're a famous thespian.

Glenn              There's no chance of that. Much as I love queens I'm afraid gay sex is not something I want.

Paul                 Pervert! If only your paying public knew the disgusting things you dream of doing to defenceless women! [They both laugh] You're unnatural! And talking of unnatural .. have you got this stupid notion of being a legitimate actor out of your head yet?

Glenn              It's not stupid. I think I have got the potential.

Paul                 The only thing you are going to get is the clap if you continue sleeping your way around.

Script - The Collector

THE COLLECTOR

CEDRIC                    Husband, a lowly civil servant, servile, poor but honest.

SARAH                             Wife, stays at home, eking out an existence on her husband's meagre salary.

THE COLLECTOR  A debt collector with no scruples and a cockney accent.

SCENE ONE: THE SLIGHTLY TATTY HOME OF CEDRIC AND SARAH. THEY ARE HAVING A MEAGRE BREAKFAST, TOAST AND TEA (SHARING ONE TEA BAG FOR ECONOMY).

SARAH      Any more toast, Cedric?

CEDRIC            No thank you, dear, I've had my normal two pieces. An ample sufficiency for a man of my stature.

SARAH       Will you be late tonight, dear? It's Thursday. I've got a piece of bacon for your dinner this week.

CEDRIC       No, 6:32 as always. Bacon? That will be nice, dear. We haven't had bacon for a while. Oh, look at the time, I'll miss my train.

SARAH      Cedric? It's you're birthday  next week. What would you like?

CEDRIC      My birthday? I'd forgotten [LOOKS GUILTY] – Oh I don’t want to be bothered with birthdays at my age.

SARAH      But we always celebrate your birthday. I've managed to save a little from the housekeeping especially.

CEDRIC       Sarah, as long as I have you that is all the birthday present I need. I must go. My train.

SARAH      I wish you would let me go back to work.

CEDRIC      Now, dear, we've had this out before. I would be lacking in my responsibilities as a husband if I couldn't provide for you. Call me old fashioned but that was the way I was brought up. The husband earns the money and the wife spends it.

SARAH      Yes, dear.

CEDRIC WIPES HIS MOUTH ON THE NAPKIN, CAREFULLY FOLDS IT AGAIN, KISSES HIS WIFE ON THE CHEEK, PICKS UP HIS BRIEFCASE AND UMBRELLA AND WALKS TO THE FRONT DOOR FOLLOWED BY HIS WIFE.

SCENE TWO SOME HOURS LATER. SARAH IS ON THE PHONE.

SARAH       Hello, is that the Loan Agency? I'd like to arrange a small loan. My husband, yes, he's a Civil Servant [PROUDLY]. No, I don't work. I'm a housewife. But ... Oh, I see. Yes, thank you. [PUTS DOWN PHONE AND LOOKS AT THE NEWSPAPER AGAIN. DIALS ANOTHER NUMBER] Hello, Acme Loans?        I'd like to arrange a loan. No, we rent this house. Oh, thank you.
[IS JUST ABOUT TO PUT THE PHONE DOWN WHEN SHE SUDDENLY SPEAKS]
Excuse me, hello? Hello. I've been trying all morning to get a loan but I can't get one. Either we don't earn enough or we don't own the house or ... well, what would you suggest? Yes, I am desperate. Who? Do you have their number? [WRITES IT DOWN AND THEN DIALS IT. FADE OUT]

SCENE THREE SARAH 1S PACING THE ROOM WAITING FOR A CALLER. THERE IS A KNOCK 0N THE DOOR. SHE LETS THE COLLECTOR IN

COLLECTOR            Mrs ….[CONSULTS SMALL RED BOOK] Mrs Staines?

SARAH      Yes, please come in, Mr ...?

COLLECTOR            You rang the office. About a loan?

SARAH      Yes, [SHE IS UNNERVED AND GABBLES] , a loan. Only a small one, mind. It's for my husband's birthday. It's next week. I don't know quite what to get him but it is his thirtieth so I feel that such a milestone ought to be        [LOOKS AT COLLECTOR AND IS STRUCK BY HIS DEAD EYES. AS IF SUDDENLY AWARE OF HIS DEMEANOUR THE COLLECTOR SUDDENLY SMILES. SARAH RECOVERS SLIGHTLY] .... marked. The milestone I mean. After all 30 is quite an age to be and I think ...

COLLECTOR      Quite. How much?

SARAH      What?

COLLECTOR      How much?

SARAH      How much what?

COLLECTOR      Money. How much money do you want to borrow? [LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM. ] A very nice place you have here.

SARAH      Well. thank you. I try to keep it nice. "Be it ever so humble there is no place like home, Aunty Em." [SHE GIGGLES]

COLLECTOR      Quite. How much?

 SARAH       It's currently our favourite film, you see. The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy. "Be it ever so humble ….”

COLLECTOR      Two hundred? Or do you need three? I could perhaps stretch to three-fifty. But no more. [UNDER HIS BREATH] There isn't three-fifty's worth here.

SARAH      Two hundred? Goodness me. No, I was thinking more like fifty . . . Two hundred? We have never had two hundred since we got married. You see Cedric, didn't want me to work. His pride, you see . . . .

COLLECTOR      Quite. The least I can do is one hundred. Take it or leave it.

SARAH      I’11 take it! Right, where do I sign?

COLLECTOR      No need to sign, lady. I trust you. Your payments are £20 per week for 10 weeks. If you have trouble making payments just let me know and we'll come to an arrangement. I'11 see you next Thursday for the first installment. [HANDS OVER £100] Cheers. It's been a pleasure doing business with you.

SARAH      Thank you, thank you. I was at my wits end. I mean, thirty is a special age, isn't it. It ought to be marked, don't you think?

COLLECTOR      Yes, lady. Next Thursday. £20. I'll call about this time. Bye.

SARAH      A hundred pounds! I must tell Cedric [PICKS UP THE PHONE AND THEN PUTS IT DOWN AGAIN] silly me. If I tell him it won't be a surprise. Now what can I buy him? Socks would be nice, or perhaps a new cardigan, or a pipe. I do like a man with a pipe. Or perhaps .. [FADE OUT]

SCENE FOUR – THE NEXT WEEK, CEDRIC’S BIRTHDAY, THEY SIT DOWN TO A FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST. A BIRTHDAY CARD IS OPEN ON THE TABLE

CEDRIC      Sarah? What’s this?

SARAH      Don’t you like it? I made it especially. It's your birthday.

CEDRIC       Of course I like it, it's just that, well, it's a little extravagant for a Thursday. I know we normally have meat on a Thursday but we can't afford it twice in one day.

SARAH      But it's your birthday, dear.

CEDRIC      I'm well aware that it's my birthday but…[HE MAKES AN EFFORT AND CONTROLS HIMSELF] Thank you, dear, but this is an extravagance.

SARAH      I      know, dear, but it is your birthday. Your THIRTIETH birthday. I saved some money from the housekeeping especially for this day.

CEDRIC      Oh, my darling, [HE GETS UP AND EMBRACES HER] what have I done to deserve you?

SARAH      And here’s your proper birthday present[SHE HANDS HIM A BOX] Open it.

CEDRIC      [OPENS BOX TO FIND SOCKS, A SWEATER AND A PIPE] But I don’t smoke a pipe.

SARAH      You do now [SHE GRINS GIRLISHLY]

CEDRIC      [PUTS THE PIPE IN HIS MOUTH AND PUFFS IMPORTANTLY] Thank you, Sarah. I hope you haven't. been going without to pay for all this. It all seems very expensive.

SARAH      You’re worth it, darling. Oh Cedric, I feel that something good has finally happened to us at last.

CEDRIC      That happened the day I married you. Good grief, look at the time. I must hurry. What's for supper tonight? Bacon?

SARAH      Bacon? It's your birthday. [THINKS A MOMENT] beef. It will be beef. Huge steaks. The best money can buy.

CEDRIC       Whatever you say, dear. [HE CHUCKLES INDULGENTLY, STICKS HIS PIPE IN HIS MOUTH AND MARCHES OUT THE DOOR AFTER KISSING HIS WIFE]

SARAH      [IN A BIT OF A DREAM] The day he married me… [SHE HUGS HERSELF AND GETS ON WITH THE HOUSEWORK, SINGING 'FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD' AS SHE DOES].

SCENE FIVE IT IS LATER THAT DAY. THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR WHICH WAKES HE.R FROM HER REVERIE. SHE POSITIVELY DANCES TO THE DOOR. SHE IS FACE TO FACE WITH THE COLLECTOR. HER MOOD DROPS.

SARAH      Oh, it's you.

COLLECTOR      Afternoon Mrs. Staines.£20 I believe.

SARAH      Is it a week already?

COLLECTOR      Thursday. One week. Payment day, Mrs. Staines

SARAH      [SHE GOES AND GETS HER PURSE AND GIVES HIM £20] There you are. £20.

COLLECTOR       Thank you. [ENTERS IT IN BOOK] £20, paid on the dot. I wish all my customers were as prompt as you Mrs. Staines. It saves a lot of bother. A Pleasure doing business with you. See you next Thursday.

SARAH      [SHE SHUTS THE DOOR SLOWLY] Next Thursday. [LOOKS IN PURSE] That was the last one. Where did it all go? £100. That's two weeks housekeeping and what do I have to show for it?

SCENE SIX ONE WEEK LATER. IT IS PAYMENT TIME AGAIN. THE DOORBELL RINGS. SARAH LOOKS A LITTLE TIRED.

SARAH      [CREEPING TIMIDLY TO THE CURTAIN, LOOKS OUT, IT'S THE COLLECTOR] Perhaps if I ignore him he'll go away ... if only. [OPENS DOOR] Hello, I was just doing the washing. I had to dry my hands. Do come in.

 COLLECTOR      Afternoon Mrs. Staines. It's Thursday. Payment day, I'm afraid. I don't know where the time goes. before you know where you are a whole week has flown by. [HE LOOKS INQUIRINGLY AT HER] Do you have the money?

SARAH      I have tried, honestly I have. [STARTS  TO CRY A LITTLE] But it's so difficult

COLLECTOR           How much?

SARAH      I've      got most of it. It's just that my shoes, they'd worn right through. I had to get a new pair. They’re not expensive. I got them in the sale.

COLLECTOR      How much?

SARAH      They would have been £19.99 but, as I said they were in the sale so ...

COLLECTOR      How much of the £20 due do you have, Mrs. Staines?

SARAH      £17. It's all I've got left.

COLLECTOR      That's OK. What I'll do is add the £3 to your debt and  we'll carry on from there. Of course, it will mean that the total owed will be more, with an increased interest rate .

SARAH      How much more?

COLLECTOR      [GETS OUT A CALCULATOR, DOES A CALCULATION AND WRITES A FIGURE IN THE BOOK] Your new weekly payment will be £25 from next week.

SARAH       £25? I can't afford that. I'm struggling to pay £20. How can I pay £25?

 COLLECTOR       Well, if you pay the full £20 now I won't need to raise your payments. It's that easy.

SARAH      But I can't pay the £20.

COLLECTOR      That's your problem, lady. £25, next Thursday then there won't be any bother

      HE LEAVES. SARAH IS IN TEARS

SCENE SEVEN ONE WEEK LATER. SARAH IS LOOKING DECIDEDLY DISHEVELLED. SHE HAS BEEN WORRYING ABOUT THE DEBT. THE DOORBELL GOES AND SHE OPENS THE DOOR GINGERLY.

COLLECTOR      Mrs. Staines. It's Thursday.

SARAH       You'd better come in. The neighbours, you understand. [THEY MOVE TO THE LOUNGE] I've tried. I really have.

COLLECTOR      How much do you have?

SARAH      £20 . We won't have meat this week but I've managed to scrimp together £20. Please, this is all I've got.[SHE LOOKS EXPECTANTLY AT THE COLLECTOR] Please say something.

COLLECTOR      [HE BACKHANDS HER ACROSS THE FACE AND SHE STAGGERS^- BACKWARDS] I said £25. Not £20. That was last week. This is now.

SARAH      But I haven't got it. Look, my purse is empty [SHAKES EMPTY PURSE OUT].

COLLECTOR      And I thought you were going to be a reliable client. No bother. I'm very disappointed in you Mrs. Staines. It's £25. I'll be generous and give you one more day to get the £5. I'll be back in 24 hours. Make sure you have the money. I don't like bother. I'll see myself out. [HE LEAVES.]

SARAH      Tomorrow? [CRIES]

SCENE EIGHT THAT EVENING. SARAH IS IN THE KITCHEN WHERE CEDRIC CAN'T SEE HER. SHE TRIES TO AVOID HIM SEEING HER BLACK EYE.

CEDRIC      Good evening dear, [HE HANGS UP HIS COAT, CHANGES HIS SHOES AND TAKES OUT HIS PIPE] How was your day?

SARAH      Oh, the same as usual, dear. It's only vegetable broth tonight, I'm afraid.

CEDRIC      It's Thursday, isn't it? We usually have meat on Thursday, don't we?

SARAH           Is it Thursday? I'm sorry, I forgot. Tomorrow then.

CEDRIC      Tomorrow’s Friday. We have fish on Friday I don't want to upset my digestive system by suddenly changing the order of things. Tomorrow's Friday so it must be fish. No need to change for change's sake. Sarah, are you alright? [SHE' FINALLY TURNS SO HE CAN SEE HER EYE] What on earth happened?

SARAH      A door. It was a door. I walked into a door. It's nothing.

CEDRIC       Nothing? It looks terrible. Have you been to the doctor? You must go to the doctor and have it looked at. It looks very nasty. No wonder you forgot it was Thursday.

SARAH      Cedric, don't fuss. I'll go to the doctor tomorrow. It was just a door.

SCENE NINE THE FOLLOWING DAY. SARAH IS NEAR HYSTERICAL WAITING FOR THE COLLECTOR TO CALL. THE DOOR BELL GOES AND SARAH NEARLY PASSES OUT WITH FRIGHT. SHE LOOKS A MESS.

SARAH I tried but I just couldn't tell my husband. He's the only one I could ask for money. I just couldn't tell him

COLLECTOR           So. you don't have any money for me then?

SARAH           No. But I will get it for next week. I promise.

COLLECTOR       [ HE BACKHANDS HER ACROSS THE FACE AND THEN BACK AGAIN. SARAH FALLS TO THE FLO0R, HER MOUTH IS BRUISED AND BLOOD IS FLOWING FROM HER NOSE AND MOUTH.) Not good enough. It's due this week. and this week is when it will be paid. I've got overheads, you know. Bills to be paid. So, much as I'd like to help you, my hands are tied. [HE BACKHANDS HER AGAIN. THIS TIME SHE ENDS UP CRUMPLED AGAINST THE WALL.] Tomorrow. Or I will have to start getting nasty, and you wouldn't like that. No, not at all [HE EXITS. SARAH IS A GIBBERING WRECK, BLOOD IS RUNNING DOWN HER FACE]

SARAH    No. Oh my god, what have I got myself into?

SCENE TEN THAT EVENING. SARAH HAS MANAGED TO CLEAN HERSELF UP BUT HER FACE AND LIPS ARE  STILL VERY SWOLLEN AND SHE HAS DIFFICULTY TALKING.

CEDRIC      Sarah, loathe as I am to call my wife a liar I am convinced that you are not telling me everything. Yesterday it was a door and today you say you fell on the wet linoleum. Please, tell me what really happened. Goodness, you are shaking like a leaf. My darling, you have nothing to worry about. Whatever it is we can resolve it. After all, I am your husband. You can tell me anything.

SARAH    [MUMBLES]

CEDRIC       Please Sarah, you must tell me. Whatever it is we shall face it together.

SARAH      0h, Cedric, I just wanted to make your birthday special. Nobody would give us a loan so I found this loan shark and now he has demanded more and more and I can't pay him and he hit me. Twice. Oh my god, what will he do next?

CEDRIC      How much do we owe him? Is it a lot?

SARAH      £100. I have to pay ....

CEDRIC       We. We have to pay. This is our responsibility and we shall face it. How much are the payments?

SARAH      £25 for ten weeks. They were £20 a week but I fell behind.

CEDRIC      But       that's £250 ! That's extortionate!

SARAH   I know, I know but no-one else would give me a loan. Oh, Cedric, I feel terrible.

CEDRIC           Of course you do, look at the battering you've taken. We must go to the Police.

SARAH I don't think that will do any good. I didn't sign anything. There is nothing to prove we are dealing with him. I don't even know his name.

CEDRIC      Well, we shall have to see about this. When is he next due?

SARAH      Tomorrow afternoon. I'm so frightened, Cedric.

CEDRIC       Never mind, my dear. I am your husband. I shall sort this out in a civilised manner. After all, we may not be able to afford meat more than once a week but we do still have our pride.

SARAH      0h, Cedric, do you think you can sort it out?

CEDRIC       Of course, my dear. I shall take the day off work tomorrow and arrange everything.

SCENE ELEVEN THE FOLLOWING AFTERNOON. SARAH IS VERY AGITATED. CEDRIC IS CALM. THE DOOR BELL RINGS.

SARAH      It's the Collector.

CEDRIC      Well,  let him in.  Don't worry, Sarah, it will be alright.

COLLECTOR           Mrs. Staines.

SARAH           Come in. My husband is here.

COLLECTOR      Do you have the money?

SARAH      No, I'm sorry, we don't.

COLLECTOR      I warned you what would happen if you didn't have the money today, didn't I?

CEDRIC      Exactly how much money are you asking for today, Mr ...?

COLLECTOR      £5. The arrears. I'm not unreasonable. I just want what is owed to me.

CEDRIC      £5? [LAUGHS] All this is about £5?

COLLECTOR      The sum is not the issue. It's the principle. It's arrears.

CEDRIC      Well, I'm sorry, but for £5 you are being totally unreasonable.

COLLECTOR      [GRABS CEDRIC BY THE THROAT AND PUSHES HIM UP AGAINST THE WALL] I am not unreasonable! I am very reasonable.

SARAH      [RUSHING TO HELP HER HUSBAND] Leave my husband alone!

COLLECTOR      [BACKHANDS SARAH ACROSS THE ROOM WHERE SHE CRUMPLES TO THE FLOOR.] Very reasonable. [LIFTS CEDRIC UP THE WALL BY HIS NECK UNTIL HIS FEET ARE OFF THE FLOOR. HE GRABS CEDRIC BY THE BALLS.] He won't be much of a husband to you now. [LETS CEDRIC DROP TO THE FLOOR WHERE HE LIES HOLDING HIS BALLS]. This is your very last chance. Tomorrow. No excuses.

 

SCENE TWELVE THE FOLLOWING DAY SARAH AND CEDRIC, VERY BATTERED, ARE TRYING TO RESOLVE THE SITUATION.

CEDRIC       We have gone over this time and time again. I can't see any way out of it. All he wants is the money. Nothing else will satisfy him.

SARAH       But we don't have the money. I know it is only £5 but in three days it will be another £25 as well. If only we could pay off the whole amount in one go.

CEDRIC       If only. I just wish he weren't so unreasonable. If only he'd listen when I talk to him.

SARAH      Perhaps we could make him listen. What if we tied him up and made him listen. You are so knowledgeable and eloquent he would have to listen to you.

CEDRIC       But how do we make him listen to us. You saw what he did yesterday, and I can't take that again.

SARAH       What about if we hit him over the head? Just enough to allow us to tie him up.

CEDRIC      Well, I suppose anything is worth a try. What do we use?

SARAH      My rolling pin. It's strong enough.

CEDRIC       Alright, you invite him in and I'll stand behind the door and bop him one. I don't like it but I see no other way round it. He has to be made to listen.

 

SCENE THIRTEEN A SHORT WHILE LATER. THE DOOR BELL RINGS.

SARAH      Here he is.

CEDRIC      Don't forget what we planned. Pretend we have the money and lure him in.

SARAH           Right, here goes. [OPENS THE DOOR] Come in.

COLLECTOR      Do you have the money?

SARAH      Yes, yes. Come in. I'll just get it for you.

CEDRIC       [AS THE COLLECTOR COMES THROUGH THE DOOR CEDRIC HITS HIM WITH THE ROLLING PIN. HE FALLS TO THE FLOOR.] Quick, help me get him to the chair. We must tie him up before he regains consciousness. [THEY MANHANDLE HIM TO THE CHAIR]

SARAH      I don't think he will regain consciousness. Cedric, I think he's dead.

CEDRIC      I thought I might have hit him a bit hard. I've never done it before.

SARAH      What do we do now?

CEDRIC           Hm, we'll have to think about this very carefully. Whatever we do we shall have to hide the body somewhere.

SCENE FOURTEEN LATER THAT DAY THEY SIT DOWN TO A ROAST DINNER

CEDRIC           Well, that's that, then.

SARAH           Yes, dear.

CEDRIC      Well, we don't have to worry about affording meat for a while.

SARAH           It's so nice to have the freezer full for the first time.

[CAMERA PANS ACROSS TO THE FREEZER. THE COLLECTOR'S BOOK IS ON THE TOP.]