Cable 7 script - Goldilocks

GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS
Transmission: 27 June 1996
Cable 7 - Live
Are we sitting comfortably, boys and girls? Then I shall begin.
Once upon a time there were three bears and they all lived in a big house in the forest.
Daddy bear was something big in the Stock Market so he could afford a nice house far from the traffic but still easily accessible in his Volvo Estate. Mummy bear had to make do with a third hand Mini which bounced all over the place when she drove down the track to the main road. This caused havoc with her piles but Daddy bear said that was all they could afford while he was paying for the mortgage on the house in the forest that Mummy bear had insisted they bought so that Baby bear could grow up in a safe environment, whatever that was. And anyway, she loved Daddy bear so she put up with it.
Mummy bear and Daddy bear had for many years wanted to have a baby but, alas, it didn't happen. Then, one day when she was walking in the forest, Mummy bear came upon a magazine discarded by one of the local lads in the bushes. Having nothing much else to do (her Mini was being repaired, again, and she couldn't be bothered to walk all the way to the bus stop) she sat in the shade of a tree and leafed through the damp pages. 'Ah', she thought as she realised what sort of a magazine it was that she had found 'that's where we've been going wrong. Daddy bear needs to stop watching Baywatch and get an early night occasionally'.
So Mummy bear took away his box of Kleenex and by and by Baby bear was born and everything in the house in the forest was perfect. Until the Day of the Bimbo.
It was a beautiful summers day and Daddy bear, seeing that the breakfast porridge was too hot, said that perhaps they should take a constitutional. So the three bears, Daddy Bear, Mummy Bear and Danni Bear (so called because he wasn't too bright but was always popular with the other baby bears because he could always be relied upon to play Doctors and Nurses at the drop of a hat) went for a walk.
When they returned Daddy bear noticed that all was not well. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he roared. And Mummy bear said 'And who's been sitting in my chair?'. Danni bear, who's expectations were always in the gutter, rushed to the bedroom and was pleasantly surprised to find a strange body snuggled under his duvet, said 'I'm going back to bed!' at which the strange body leapt up and rushed out of the bedroom and straight into Daddy bear's outstretched arms. 'And what were you doing in Danni bear's bed, you Bimbo?'.
Daddy bear knew she was a Bimbo because Mummy bear had told him that all girls with blond hair were Bimbos. She'd told him this the day she'd spent 3 hours at the hairdresser and her streaks had failed to take.
The flaxen haired beauty burst into tears 'I'm so sorry. I was tired and I just fell asleep.' 'Well', said Daddy bear, who didn't feel you should judge a girl by her hair colour just because Mummy bear did 'as you are such an attractive young lady perhaps you would like to stay for breakfast.' 'Oh, I'm sorry, I can't' she said 'I have to be at the studio in half an hour'. And with a flick of her Kim Novak hair she headed off in the direction of The Big Breakfast studios to ready herself for bed again, leaving Daddy bear with a huge grin on his face.
Mummy bear slapped Daddy bear and said something about brains in pants and never again let him work late at the office.
© Pariss 1996